A song I wrote about what it might be like to own a pet dinosaur. My pet raptor, I bought from her captor, For only five pounds and ninety pence, It didn't make much sense at the time, But now I think I know why, the guy was so keen to go, I think he had regrets, Because raptors really don't make affectionate pets. I used to have two legs but now I only have the one. I used to have two kids, a boy and a girl but now I only have a son, I used to have a wife, but now she's on the run, From me and my raptor. I used to be a man but now a days I'm more a mouse, I used to walk with pride but now I tiptoe around my house, I'm not afraid to say that I'm a big girl's blouse, When it comes to raptors. My pet raptor, I had to adapt for, The average home is not the place, For any member of the dinosaur race, But cattleprods and barbed wire, And the purchase of a firearm, Will make you more secure, Against a savage attack from a pet dinosure. Why oh why did I not I not harken, To the morals in Jurassic Park, And then again I suppose real life's not like watching a movie, You can't escape a velociraptor by hiding underneath your duvet. My pet raptor, has cleverly kept me trapped, For nearly three and a half days straight in the loft, And I've barely drank, nor ate in that time. I'm living off condensation and it's causing hallucinations, I think I saw a T-rex outside, But that's impossible, because they all died out millions of years ago.
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